A 16 Year Old's Struggle With Loneliness

We have all probably felt lonely at sometime and just would like someone to comfort us and be there when we need them. It might come in the form of a friend or mentor or you might need something more, like a parent or boyfriend/girlfriend to fill that space. Many of us might not have these things and crave them and fell like they would compete us, that they would make us happy. Truth be told I feel like this too. I feel like if I just had that one person that all my problems would be fixed and I would be happy. It's a stupid way to think really; to put all your happiness dependent on another person.

For the longest time I wanted a mother. Growing up without one really put a strain on my heart and my development. Now that I sort of have a replacement for that another "need" has popped up. The love that comes form a relationship. I look around and see all my friends in relationships and some have even dropped their friends for their boyfriends. They all seem so happy and then there's me. A boy has never even liked me in a serious way. I began to conspire these thoughts in my head on why they all had people who loved them and I didn't. It became a constant battle of feeling not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not good enough. I began to pick at everything that was wrong with me in the journey of trying to find out why no one was interested in me. For over a month I was angry at my friends for having someone who loved them in that way and flaunting it in front of me. I was mad that they could go from relationship to relationship and have a line of boys waiting after each one ready and willing to date them. I didn't want to be around them and I definitely didn't want to see their post of social media. I became a ball of hate and sadness,

 

I just didn't understand why I couldn't have that. I'm guilty of getting upset with God for stupid reasons and this was definitely one of them. I would yell at God for making me this way and not like my friends. I would yell at him for not providing a boyfriend. I would yell at him just to yell at someone. I was so angry. After being so angry for so long I was done. I wanted to be happy and I wanted to go back to being Xena. I had to learn to be okay being lonely. Not lonely the feeling but lonely as not having a boyfriend. Being Single! 

I read my bible a lot and prayed even more. I was really searching for an answer to my questions. I discovered a few things that I have implement into my life and am trying my best to remember and follow each day. 

The first question I had was "Why me, out of all my friends, why did I have to be the one to go solo?" There were a few answers I found to this question and I'm actually really content with being alone right now. The first answer came about after a close friend had a break up that just tore her to pieces.

The Lord was guarding my heart for me; He knew that if I got in a relationship I may move to quickly and invest my heart into something I really am not ready for or that I want. That my heart is to be kept for the special someone He has planned. I don't need practice in dating, that I just need to wait for the one who I'm planned to be with. I wasn't going to go through relationship after relationship like my friends and get my heart broken and have to repair the damage. Honestly, I'm glad I never got into the habit of that because my heart is far to fragile for it. 

The next important thing God has shown me through being single is the dependence on a person affects your dependence on God. The fact I thought another person could make me happy and complete me already shows an undercut in my faith in God. I was willing to believe that a person of this world could fill a hole in my heart that I wasn't willing to believe that our Almighty God could fill. I was basically believing that the world could give what God could not, which we all know is untrue. Happiness is not of this world. It is not eternal and the only thing that is, is our Savior Jesus Christ and our relationship with Him. Why was I focusing so much on a relationship with a boy when I wasn't giving the time of day to my relationship with Jesus. 

One more thing that the Lord has called me to work on until He opens the doors to a relationship is my relationship with Him and myself. I need to find completeness in Him and be filled by His peace and the happiness He brings. I need to not be of this world and I need to be content with being alone before I can ever began to have a successful relationship. 

So, I dare you to ask these questions to your self even if you're in a relationship already. 

Am I depending on God for my happiness or on my partner? 

Do I feel a hole in my heart when I'm not in a relationship that I'm filling with a relationship with a human rather than with God? 

Am I satisfied with myself or do I need someone to help me feel complete? 

Is my relationship with God where it needs to be? 

and finally, 

Am I honoring God with my past or current relationship? 

Now I think it's time to go read the bible and pray to your Savior about how you can improve your relationship and what the next step in your walk with God is. Remember to love yourself and be happy. 

Even more importantly, remember to Let Love Flow! 

Thank you so much lovelies for reading! Comments and shares are always appreciated. Don't forget that you can message Britni or me at our email brintiandxena@gmail.com about any questions you have or any topic you would like us to write about. we would also love to pray with you so please send your prayer request to us or a time you would like us to call and pray attached with your number, Thank you again and we are praying for our faith filled nation! :)

This post was written solely by Xena